The Wizard Of Mporokoso

Read this whole post, it's crazy...

Allow me to set the scene. I had just spent the afternoon with Annie, my nearest neighbor in Mporokoso proper running various errands and having the two much anticipated beers at our favorite bar. After the completion of my business, I biked the 13 miles back to my village. As I got to within a couple miles, I thought it seemed like there was a lot of activity taking place in the Chalabesa area, but was tired and thought nothing of it. I arrived home and went to greet Ba Mulenga and the gamily I live with. Mr. Mulenga asked if I noticed the mass exodus down the road in our village. I said I had but was unsure why. He informed me that the reason was this…the father of one of my fish farmers, Edward Lombe, had been accused of being a Wizard so the witch finders were at his house to remove his witchcraft, or the object which gives him his power. I actually just spoke with Grandpa Lombe the day before to negotiate a deal on a stalk of bananas. (I buy 40 or so bananas at a time now.)

Mr. Mulenga proceeded to tell me the background of how this happened. A neighbor, Aaron the agricultural officer I work with, has a daughter who’s been sic for quite some time now. After several fruitless trips to the hospital, Aaron and family decided it was a witch or wizard. After going to a witch finder for a consultation, Brandpa Lombe was fingered as the offender. Aaron decided better safe than sorry, though, so he got a second opinion. Again, Grandpa Lombe is named. So then all parties involved are called to the local Chief for a hearing. It was decided that on Wednesday, January 25, a team of experienced with doctors would arrive at the accused’s house to remove the object that possesses his power. Brett, you’re not in Iowa anymore.

I had planned to get some work done in the garden this particular evening, but with an event like this, who could resist? I imagined a good ol’ fashioned witch ousting comes once, maybe twice in a lifetime. I considered a camera, but figured this would be a somber occasion, thus inappropriate. So Ba Mulenga and I started off on the 15 minute walk only having to stop once to tie his goat up that’d started following us. The whole scene was hilarious. People hurriedly walking down the road in their Sunday’s best clothes. Here was electricity in the air.

As I cut left off the man road to take the 2 foot wide path that goes to the Harry Potter wannabe’s house, I could immediately se a huge crowd gathered around his house. A few minutes later, after making my way through the rows of bicycles lined up like Harley’s outside a biker bar, I was finally there.

Immediately I could see that the who’s who of Chalabesa and the surrounding villages were there. The accuser, the accusee, the local head of security, several of my farmers, and finally the white guy was there. There were probably 70-90 people total. Quickly my attention was diverted from the crowd to the screaming man front and center; the first witch doctor. He donned a white Karate Kid-style headband with an emblazoned first aid red cross in the center. He was wearing a white, mid-thigh skirt with the same symbol on the front and back of it. Two men flanking him were shaking maracas and singing songs. This man would scream, shake his head a bit, run around the house a few times, run through the house, and come back

Ba Mulanga was explaining to me that these guys use their magic so they can see the witchcraft. Apparently it’s like a huge aura that they have to capture. Once they actually catch it, it takes a tangible form. Ba Mulenga informed me that usually it’s something ugly like a horn or bone or something. He also told me something that got me even more excited. Apparently the witchcraft, before they capture it will leave the house so the witch doctors will be chasing an invisible object around the yard. I”ll also quickly comment on the atmosphere as well. I figured it’d be sad because one of their own was found guilty of being a wizard. Shame will be brought to the family, so I figured they’d be in bad farm. Wrong on both counts. It was like a party. People were laughing and singing. People were cracking jokes with the witch doctors. It was bizarre. I regretted not bringing my camera. Back to the story. The first witch doctor repeated the aforementioned sequence a few time, then he emerged from the house to announce new that drew a collective gasp from the audience. He said that the witchcraft wasw very big and powerful. Then he said that people should secure the bottoms of their pants because it could go up to people’s unmentionables. So it wasn’t long before men and kids had taken string to tie their pants around their ankles, and women holding skirts between their knees. This must have been a tag-team match because after this announcement, another guy came into try his luck.

The witch doctors have a ‘manager’ who takes care of all props throughout the event. So the second doctor, we’ll call him Dr. Rosenrosen, took a few steps out to size up the house. The manager followed him so he could fasten the ceremonial pillowcase on his head so it would hang down Dr. Rosenrosen’s back. I’m not sure if it was just him getting psyched or what, but he made that noise when people shake their heads back and forth so their cheeks flap and make a noise. He did that a good 3 or 4 times. He circled the house a few times splashing water on the house with some animal tail. He had a few call and response songs with the audience, but he couldn’t make a dent in it. It was like the end of Ghostbusters II when they can’t break through the pink shell covering the museum, but this story doesn’t end with the Statue of Liberty saving the day.

I’ll fast forward through 45 minutes of gesticulating, and trance-like stares to when they get the witchcraft out of the house. Sure enough, one of the guys was like a greyhound after the rabbit. He’s running through crowds, gardens, neighbor’s yards chasing after the witchcraft. It must have ducked into an alley to give him a slip, because he lost it. In an attempt to regain the ‘scent,’ he took the animal tail I previously referred to and was rubbing it on things around the yard and smelling the tail! Randomly he’d snort like pig for whatever reason. So he walked around the yard for 5 or 10 minutes smelling various objects and plants. After coming up empty handed for 15 or 20 minutes, they announced that this particular witchcraft was too strong for their team. They’re bringing backup in on Saturday. I’ll be sure to keep you updated on the proceedings.